Stumbling to find words
– At a posh Manhattan dinner party, a foreign visitor was telling the guests about this country and himself. As he concluded, he said, “And I have a charming and understanding wife but, alas, no children.”
– His listeners appeared to be waiting for him to continue, so he said, haltingly, “You see, my wife is unbearable.”
– Puzzled glances prompted him to try to clarify the matter: “What I mean is, my wife is inconceivable.”
– As his companions seemed amused, he floundered deeper into the intricacies of the English language, explaining triumphantly, “That is, my wife, she is impregnable!”
Important lesson
– A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.
– After explaining to “honor thy Father and thy Mother,” she asked, “Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?”
– Without missing a beat, one little boy answered “Thou shall not kill!”
Afterlife
– Three friends go to heaven where they are asked, “As people gaze into your casket, what would you like to hear them say about you?”
– The first says, “I would like to hear them say I was a one of the great doctors of my time and a great family man.”
– The second said he’d like to hear them say he was a great husband and school teacher who made a huge difference in the children of tomorrow.”
– The third guy thinks about it, then replies, “I’d like to hear them say, ‘Look, he’s moving!’”