The Lighter Side
August 05, 2015
EXAMPLES FROM BRITISH MILITARY OFFICERS’ REPORTS
1. His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of idle curiosity.
2. I would not breed from this Officer.
3. This man is depriving a village somewhere of its idiot.
4. This officer can be likened to a small puppy – he runs around excitedly, leaving little messes for other people to clean up.
5. This Officer is really not so much of a has-been, more of a definitely won’t-be.
6. When she opens her mouth, it seems only to change whichever foot was previously in there.
7. Couldn’t organize 50% leave in a 2 man submarine
8. He has carried out each and every one of his duties to his entire satisfaction.
9. He would be out of his depth in a car park puddle.
10. Technically sound, but socially impossible.
11. The occasional flashes of adequacy are marred by an attitude of apathy and indifference.
12. When he joined my ship, this officer was something of a granny; since then, he has aged considerably.
13. This Medical Officer has used my ship to carry his genitals from port to port, and my officers to carry him from bar to bar.
14. This Officer reminds me very much of a gyroscope, always spinning around at a frantic pace, but not really going anywhere.
15. Since my last report he has reached rock bottom, and has started to dig.
16. This Officer should go far, and the sooner he starts, the better.
17. The only ship I would recommend for this man is citizenship.
18. Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.
19. Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn’t coming.
20. Has two brains; one is lost and the other is out looking for it.